Part Two of Referral: Our Red Thread

"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break."                                                                                                                                                                                --An ancient Chinese belief

 As you all know, we are adopting through the waiting child (special need) program.  At the beginning of our adoption journey, I assumed we would never mention our child's special need in respect for his or her privacy.  As you will read, Vivi Cate has a visual special need....so not mentioning it would be pointless.  Because I want to respect Vivi's privacy, there are some parts of her story I will not go into detail about here.  We will also not be posting pictures of her until she is in our arms in China.  Please bare me with me as I try to wade through the tricky waters of sharing our family story but also protecting our Vivi Cate. 


If you are lost right now, please Click Here for Part One of the Referral Story.


Because the referral file was a part of the orphanage partnership, it contained a lot more information than usual.  Typically one just receives the Chinese medical file.  It has about four pages that include a vague medical report, caretaker's comments, and a few referral pictures.  It includes the Chinese version and the translated version.  Because of the partnership and my agency bringing over pediatricians, therapists, etc. to evaluate these children, I also had the following in the email...

• Three videos 
• Four extra pictures
• A medical report made up by the US doctors and therapists.  
• An interview with her nanny 

Most adopting mommas say there is always a sign that says, "This is your child!"  It could be names, dates, what the child is wearing...but there is usually a 'sign'.  For months, I had been praying that God would make it completely obvious to us...like crazy in-your-face obvious...that we would know who our child was without a doubt.  China adopting mommas call this a 'Red Thread'.  It shows how your child's story was connecting to yours even before you see their face for the first time.  I thought about this when I opened up and saw her face for the first time.

My first thought?
It was clear what her special need was from looking at the first picture.  She has a large congenital nevus on her face.  A nevus is like a mole/birthmark that is typically black.  It almost looks like someone smeared black shoe polish on part of her face.  It was a bit shocking at first because I had never seen a nevus on a child's face.

My second thought?
Nevus or not, this little girl is absolutely stunning.

 I briefly read through her file and then went into research mode. I knew the nevus would need to be removed because of the chance of it being malignant later on life. I googled large congenital nevus and a lot of dated information popped up.  We would have to travel to a coastal city to find the right doctors, pay for years of surgeries, etc.  I began to think that we might not be able to help her because there was no way we could travel cross country to have these surgeries.  How would we pay for travel?  Who would watch our other two kids?

 I decided to backtrack my search and just typed in 'China' 'Adoption' 'Nevus'.  The first article I noticed was from a European website.  It was about a Chinese-adopted little girl who went through a ground-breaking operation to successfully remove the nevus.  I read through the article searching for the location and thinking, There is no way we would be able to take her to these doctors...but I might as well look anyway.  I scrolled down the page searching and then froze.  I scrolled back up and re-read a certain sentence again.  I was stunned. 

Ya'll... the surgeons who performed that ground-breaking surgery were at The Children's Hospital at OU Medical Center in Oklahoma City.

This is the city where both of our families live AND just two hours from our house.

Once I searched the names of everyone involved with that surgery, all sorts of articles showed up.  Apparently, the Oklahoma City news covered the surgeries quite extensively.  To see one of local articles including a press conference and pictures, click here.  For the one year later update, click here.

 I tried not to get my heart too attached.  We still had some unanswered questions, and I wasn't even certain the surgical team would look at our referral file.  When Aaron got home that night, we looked through her file, played her videos, and read more articles.  The file showed that she was a completely healthy 15 month old who was doing great on developmental milestones, which is a rare thing in an orphanage setting.  Our social worker, who had actually spent time with her in April and September, told us a little more about her.  The next morning, I let Caroline look at the referral videos.  I made sure to act like this was just another Waiting Child video because I didn't want her to get confused if we declined the referral.  Caroline loves looking at the Waiting Children websites and watching the videos of the children waiting to be matched.  Whenever I point to a picture and ask, "Who is that?"  She always responds, "That's a China Baby!"  When I showed her our referral video, she asked a few questions about her.  I tried to explain the nevus as best as I could in "3-year-old" language.  She watched the video a few times and told me how pretty she was and then sauntered off to her dollies.  Camden then came up and asked to watch the video too.  I played it for him, and he asked what was on her face.

Me:  Well it's like a birthmark...or a mole...
Camden:  No, it's not.
Me:  It's not?
Camden:  No, it's a freckle!  And that's okay she has that on her cheek because I have one here and here *pointing to all of his freckles on his body*
Me:  Oooh...okay.
Camden:  Yep, that's what it is.
Me:   Well, this little girl will have to go to the doctor to remove it because it may hurt her later.
Camden:  Well, then we need to bring her home right now and take her to the doctor! 
My momma heart melted hearing this...

A few hours later, we were at Camden's morning assembly at Classical Conversations, and I was trying to email the file to one of the surgeons in OKC.  Caroline asked to see the video again.  I played it for her, and then asked my usual "Who is that?" question, so she could say "It's a China Baby!"

Me:  Who is that, Caroline? 
Caroline:  That's Vivi Cate.
 uhhh....
Me: Are you sure that's not another China baby?
Caroline:  Nope.  That's Vivi Cate.
 Momma heart melting some more...

As if all of that wasn't enough to know she was ours...
Last November (2011) is when Aaron and I went to our first adoption information meeting.  It was with an agency in Tulsa (who we did not end up using).  It was this night when we felt for sure we were supposed to adopt from China.  After our meeting, we went out for sushi before heading back home.  When we got our meal, Aaron prayed over our meal and our adoption decisions.   

I noticed that Baby Girl had been abandoned in November.  (She was not abandoned as a newborn like most babies.  The orphanage did their best to guesstimate her age, and they gave her a birthdate.)  I thought it was amazing that when we were finalizing our adoption decisions, she was needing a family.  A few days later, I decided to look up the date of the adoption meeting on my calendar to compare that date with the day she was abandoned, November 9th.

Are you ready for this?
The adoption meeting was the night of November 8th.  She was abandoned on the 9th.  Pretty cool, right?  But get this...any China adopting momma knows what time it is in China at all times (because that's when our paperwork gets done), so I automatically calculated the time difference...

 On the night of November 8th... it was actually the morning of November 9th in China. 

This means exactly when we were finalizing our decision to adopt from China and to begin the process immediately...our little Vivi was abandoned.

By Thursday, we finally got to speak with the the main surgeon's office in OKC.  They had looked at the videos, read through the files, and were confident they could help her.  They suggested the main surgery around the age of two years old and the others would follow within six months.  She would be completely done within 6-8 months of the first surgery.  They also had contacted the mother of the little girl who had surgery to remove her nevus, and she asked the staff to give me her phone number.  I called her, and she was so helpful and explained the surgery process.  They had actually just brought home another little girl from China who had a nevus that will soon be removed by the same surgical team.  She gave me her email address, so we could stay in touch.

At this point I was like, Okay God... I get it.  She's ours.  I was in love, but I was trying to not show Aaron how much I wanted her because sometimes I can be a little bit...stubborn...and I wanted him to come to the same conclusion on his own.  The next day, I asked him what he thought about adopting her.

Aaron:  Well, I kind feel like I don't have a choice even if I wanted one.
Me:  Whoa...hold on there, I have NOT pressured you or said a thing to persuade you.
Aaron:  No, not you.  God.  He's pretty much not giving us a choice on this...
Me:  Well, no... I guess he really isn't.

I giggled and clapped, and he hugged me.  On a random note, we were standing in a closet.  Aaron mentioned we would always remember making such a big decision while standing in a closet! 

We know she is our daughter.  We know she is supposed to be a part of our crazy blessed family.  Most importantly, we feel so blessed that God chose us to be her parents.  We can't wait to share more about her as we are waiting on the last few steps before we get to travel to China to get her!  

If you want to know a little more about our little girl and missed the PA announcement, Click Here.